It has been just over two months now since Barbara passed. It has not really gotten any easier. The loneliness continues to hurt each day.
Continuing to get the house ready to sell. Found a CO-OP very close to Chris that looks very promising. So…getting that process going.
Barbara had a lot of Calculus books from when she taught in Commack. Thanks to Nancy, I dropped these off in a bin in the local public library along with old yearbooks.
Still finding old stuff in the attic including American Doll and Muffy accessories. I did find homes for that stuff. Some of the older dolls are frankly scary looking!
Danielle came over the past weekend. We watched the Kentucky Derby and made Mint Juleps. A lot of bourbon in that drink! She’ll be back later in the month to figure out what to do with the Beanie Babies. She did take the scary porcelain dolls though.
I keep talking to “The Sisters” all the time. It’s been a tough week. There is a sense of anger as well. In this week’s Group Grief Counseling at CHS, there was a long discussion about how to handle anger. Keeping it bottled up is not the answer. I feel more a sense of remorse (what I could have done differently or better) and guilt. Anger hasn’t hit yet.
The other discussion we had was around defining who we are. This past week, I had to review an application for moving Barbara’s 403B to an IRA. In the application, my marital status was marked as “Single”. That was a bit of a shock. Right now, I’m trying to figure out what or who I’m going to be. Our group lead, Yaminth, told us this could take months or longer. For me, this is the biggest uncertainty.
We did all agree that we all need to give ourselves some grace. (As Cousin Suzy keeps reminding me!).
I would certainly welcome any feedback and and advice!
Talk to you next week.
Jeff
Your thoughts and sentiments are so inspiring and help me
To process my grief for
My dear friend Barbara. I am here to support you and know you’re my friend !!!!
Hey Jeff… This is Andrew from the Bereavement Group. This blog is such a great idea.
The subject of anger certainly hits deep. I feel cheated out of future plans with my Andrea… (Yes, Andrew & Andrea lol).
We had a bucket list. Tore that up
But I find solace in music. I heard that song by The Pretenders ” I’ll Stand By You” and there is a line that says “of your mad, get mad… Don’t hold it all inside”
Stay strong Jeff
Wanted to commend you on an excellent blog!
Mother’s Day was difficult for me and probably more for our 2 sons Jason and Zachary.
But we are a strong group and forged ahead. We played Andrea’s favorite songs driving out to Calverton.
Certainly a season of firsts and cleared this emotional hurdle